Mentors navigate many challenges

By Laura WalkerMentor,

Sí Se Puede (Yes I can!) Mentoring

Adjunct Journalism Instructor, Adams State College

When I was asked to write about my experiences as a mentor in Washington, D.C., I had to stop and think about it. In many ways, being a mentor and writing about it are two different things!

Being a mentor requires certain characteristics: patience, first and foremost; the ability and willingness to listen – which is different from “hearing” what mentees say. Listening includes paying attention to non-verbal communication and cues, like body language and gestures, tone of voice, passive acting-out behavior (not returning phone calls, missing dates and activities, for example).

Being a mentor also requires the ability to relate to mentees on a variety of different levels – as an adult, as a friend, as somebody who can put ourselves in his or her shoes, understanding what it’s like to be a teenager, or to live in a chaotic family environment, or to be the “geek” or “nerd” among the popular crowd. For teenagers, life seems eternal – “I’ll always be this way”, or “My life will always be this way”, or “I’ll never be able to do what I want.”

As mentors, we are called upon to navigate many roles, sometimes in the space of minutes or hours, to help our young protégés understand that they are unique human beings and to reinforce in them the talents, skills, abilities and dreams they possess but don’t always recognize, or that they haven’t been encouraged to develop. We are also called upon to guide their path without pushing, and to show them through our own life stories that their life will not always be the way it is today: “This, too, shall pass.”

Without exception, one of the most difficult tasks I have encountered with these young adults is self-doubt about who they are, where and how they fit, their talents, and how to find their own voice. We live in a culture that frequently does not value young people’s voices or their journey of self-discovery. Young women, certainly, have a difficult time finding themselves – even with the tremendous gains women have made over the years – because adults frequently subtly suppress their journey of discovery by trying to “mold” them into future wives and mothers. Add to this their family of origin situations where substance abuse, physical violence, sexual abuse and emotional abuse are endemic, and young people often “bury” their true selves to avoid being hurt or rejected even more.

One advantage I bring to mentoring is having experienced many of these problems, as a child and young adult. I have found that sharing my experiences – in titrated doses – often is a key to building the rapport, camaraderie and friendship that these young people have not experienced or felt from many of the adults in their lives. One important tool in my kit is to plant a seed with my mentees about groups like Al-Anon and Al-a-teen, where they can find others who share similar experiences and who can offer a vital support link at a vulnerable time. These groups provide a safe place to vent their anger and frustration, to be themselves, and to learn the steps toward healthy self- and other respect and tolerance.

Clearly, the San Luis Valley is different from Washington, D.C. However, the problems and challenges faced by our mentees really aren’t that different. More than anything, being a mentor requires remaining true to myself, being open and transparent, treating my mentees with the respect I would give to any other human being, learning from them and guiding them, and being one of their biggest cheerleaders – all the things they want and need from the adults who surround them.